It’s no secret that I struggle with anxiety and depression. The depression has been a seldom-seen house guest in the last few years. Anxiety stops by more occasionally. We have tea together and then I try to smash plates over her head until she leaves me alone.
Lately, I’ve been feeling anxious.
My day job has been stressing me out. Most of the time I really like it. I work in a store, stocking different products. It’s mundane, it can be boring, but at the end of the day I feel good about how hard I work and I love my coworkers.
The last few months have brought lots of management changes and I am not enjoying it. I feel like I’m being walked on and taken advantage of. Both of the new managers have been managers that I’ve had before, years ago, and I have truly enjoyed them as people. This time around things have not been going very well.
I realize that I have changed over the years, my priorities have shifted, I’ve created boundaries. I no longer feel okay being taken advantage of and being asked to do much more than my fair share and those boundaries are being tested.
It has caused me a lot of anxiety but I’ve been taking the time to deal with it.
The first thing that I’ve been doing is trying to stay connected to the moment. Most of the time the moment isn’t bad even if the big picture isn’t all that pretty.
Putting my hand over my heart and taking deep breaths. I love laying still and feeling my heart beat. When I’m having a tense moment of anxiety I place my hand over my heart and then lightly tap my fingers on my chest. Doing that brings me back to the moment.
I keep my prayer beads, my japa mala, in my pocket. Sometimes just reaching into my pocket and feeling the beads helps, other times taking out the beads and doing a quick repetition soothes my soul in amazing ways.
I listen to music that makes my soul happy. I have been listening to a lot of Nirinjan Kaur Khalsa, that woman’s voice does happy things to my insides.
I look at all of the things that are going right in my life. All of the beautiful gifts that I have been given, the friends that I have been blessed with, the deep wisdom that I have developed about myself and my needs.
I refuse to give in to the anxiety. It might not go away when I want it to, but I don’t give up on trying.