My word of the year is depth and I’ve been exploring what that means for me and my life. Exploration is fun, I suggest you try it sometime, even though it’s terrifying. As someone who dislikes change and tends to get very comfy with the status quo, going deeper in my life has been a bit of a challenge, but as the days have flown by this month, I’ve realized it’s been a good one.
I invite you all to live more deeply with me.
I’ve been digging deep into my emotions and even doing something completely radical. Being honest about them! I’m one of those people that when you ask me how I’m doing the words “I’m doing great, how are you?” come out of my mouth without any thought on my brain’s part. I could be falling apart on the inside but I still plaster on a big cheesy grin and tell the world that I’m doing fine.
It’s a defense mechanism that basically says “enough about me, tell me about you so I can focus on something else because I don’t want to talk about me because me feelings aren’t [worthy/important/valid/relatable] or I’m just too [sensitive/emotional/dramatic.
I’ve been trying to be more conscious of that and allow myself to actually whine when I need to just have a good venting session or to actually talk about my problems instead of superwomaning it. Never doubt that sharing your feels is a great form of self care. Sometimes you just gotta let it out with a few f-bombs and that’s all you need to feel better.
I’m not much of a cook. If you have hopes that I’m ever going to post delicious looking recipes… nope. Not happening. I once tried to make pancakes in the microwave, just saying. However, there is something to be said for actually stretching those culinary muscles and I have. One of my goals this month is to actually make real food that requires prep time and the use of an oven/stove. I made homemade gyros, which were amaaazing, baked cookies, and chili should be happening this week. That act of going through the steps to create something that nourishes your body is a pretty powerful thing.
One of my favorite things about this human existence thing we’re all doing is that connection with Spirit/God/Divine. I can’t even describe the way that it makes me feel inside, as if I am above everything but also essentially part of it.
Living with depth means meditating, listening to inspirational music, videos, and podcasts. It also means living my life in a way that goes far below just the surface. Stop. Breathe. Pray. Connect.
I’m also on the hunt for really nourishing change-your-life books to read, tell me your suggestions!
Okay, this is a big one. I’m one of those people that when I’m bored or feeling listless I’ll sit at the computer and get sucked into that strange vortex of checking facebook and then my email… and then facebook again… back to email… facebook… click on a link… and two hours later I’ve gone on some weird strange journey where I’m reading about 6 Celebrities You Didn’t Know Were Related and I’m watching a video on youtube of a hairless cat swimming in a bathtub and I’ve done nothing productive or nourishing.
I don’t know why I do it, I’m just sitting there you know, looking for something to interest me, thinking that I’ll find it if I refresh Facebook enough times. This month has been a lesson in stepping away from the computer and going to one of those hobbies that does make me feel good instead of just occupied. I’ve read a ton of great books this month, gone on some lovely walks, tried my hand at jewelry making, and spent some great times with great friends.
In living deeply, I’m getting up close and personal with my dreams + goals and being honest about those things I really freaking want. There’s no “when” or “but” or “maybe”. It’s completely terrifying by the way. However, I think about how bad I want those things, and how happy and proud I’m going to be when I make those dreams come true and achieve those goals. First step is always the hardest. I’m reminding myself of that. I’ve been working on one of my very big big dreams and hopefully I’ll have some great news to share later this year.
So far this living deeply is pretty fantastic.