The other day, in the SoulSisterhood, one of our tribe members was having a bad day where she felt like she didn’t really matter. I think we all feel like that sometimes. I know I do. There are moments when I look at my life and I’m just like “I’ve only accomplished this?“. Thankfully those moments have been few and far between in the last few years, however, they always seem to pop up around the holidays. It was a rare year that I made it through November and December unscathed by depression.
Up to this point, I’ve spent the holidays alone. I have some issues with my family and it’s better for my emotional health not to put myself into the family holiday fray. I used to get really sad about it because it made me feel alone. As a result, I was sad and resentful of all of the family holiday posts all over social media. It hurt my heart a lot and it made me want my own family, a partner, and kids, but then I didn’t have that either. It’s hard to look past those feelings and to see the truth of who we are and how much value we really do have.
I totally understand why we get the blues.
Sometimes we need a friendly reminder that these feelings are totally okay because we’re human. It’s normal to feel these things. You are not alone in feeling bummed, or blue, or sad. You don’t have to plaster a fake smile on your face and pretend that everything is okay. Embrace all of the feelings that you have but also remember that you aren’t really alone, you DO actually matter, and despite everything you may be thinking – you are a complete and utter amazing human being,
Who you are matters. Being a good and kind person matters. Being someone other people can relate to matters. The sweetness that you bring to the world with your heart and ideas and smiles has this beautiful ripple effect on humanity. You don’t know how the smallest gesture or nice word could’ve had a huge impact on someone’s life. So if you’re feeling alone or isolated – remember that.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself too. (Because you DO matter)
Be mindful of how you’re spending your time and your energy this season. Take breaks from being around other people, do the things that you want to do, make time for them in your busy schedule. Relax, unwind, and allow yourself to step away from the stress. You are allowed to treat the holidays like normal days. You are allowed to celebrate in a soft and quiet way. The holidays are not about exhaustion. You are allowed to preserve your energy and not spend it on cooking large dinners, or spending hours shopping, or driving yourself crazy trying to find the perfect gift, or decking the halls with boughs of holly.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
If you want to bake cookies by the dozen, decorate your house like Santa’s workshop, and make a Thanksgiving feast that makes Martha Stewart look like an amateur, that’s awesome. But it’s not a standard that you have to live up to if you don’t want to.
The holidays are about enjoyment, love, family, and warm fuzzies.
Do what makes you happy. You matter. Your happiness matters. How you want to spend the rest of the year matters!
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Thank you for this.
As the holiday season comes on (I’m Canadian, so Thanksgiving was last month. :-) ) I find myself heading into a funk. I’m not close with my family & my family of choice will be spending Christmas with their blood families.
I try to have some of my own traditions but it isn’t the same. And seeing all the happy family pictures does make me wonder what it would be like if I had a partner and children or gathered with my blood family.
So come December 25th, I’ll be eating cinnamon rolls (the ones from the tube), drinking coffee and watching movies. It may not be everyone’s tradition, but it’s mine.