This post has been swirling in my head for over a month. I’ve talked about my spirituality before. It’s very goddess-based, pagan-y, with a dash of zen. As far as God goes, I believe God is a big ball of cosmic energy that takes on personas in a way that we mere humans can best connect to and relate to them. I was obsessed with Greek mythology as a child so that is the form that God usually takes for me. There have been a handful of Gods and Goddesses that have come into my life to teach me different lessons through the years.
Hestia was my first Goddess and she taught me the importance of finding home and comfort within myself and surroundings. My anxiety used to be so bad that it bordered on agoraphobia at times. Hestia taught me how to create a safe space around myself so that the world stopped being so scary.
Nemesis taught me lessons about my anger and how when it caused me to lash out and punish people, in reality, it was a punishment to myself. I had pretty bad anger issues and connecting with her taught me that explosive outbursts of anger were not retribution for people who had harmed me. When I was angry and hateful, the only one who suffered was me. I learned that just because you are hurt doesn’t mean it is fair and right to lash out and hurt others.
Aphrodite taught me the power of loving myself and believing that I am worthy of love.
Shiva taught me to turn within and find calm there. To be able to soothe myself with meditation.
There have been others that have come into my life for short periods of time and then there are other times when all seems silent. The connections run in the background but none of them are at the forefront.
Lately, Persephone has been calling to me.
It’s been almost a year of quiet, and then suddenly she made herself known to me. This has been a month of deep connection and so many things have clicked into place. I’ve been researching and reading everything I can about Persephone and I came across this psychological overview of the Persephone archetype.
“Persephone type woman is more attracted to the spiritual nature rather than the physicality of her partner. She may unconsciously attract destructive relationships. Persephone’s wound – a woman overly identified with the Persephone archetype will find herself repeatedly attracted to situations, people or health issues that diminish her sense of personal power.”
That’s what I need to learn.
As an empath, an introvert, and someone that likes to take care of others, I often find myself connecting to people in need. Which in my line of work makes sense, I want to help people. The problem comes to boundaries, which is something that I am always learning and re-learning. I set boundaries, only to move them later to please other people.
The last two years of my life have been full of turbulence. Do to a friendship that hasn’t been healthy for me. There are many times when I’ve walked away only to be pulled back under the guise of being needed, of helping, of not giving up on someone.
I am learning that a lot of that has to do with my ego. When someone says that they need you, the ego says help. When you’ve spent years helping someone, the ego says don’t give up now, you’ve put in all this energy. The ego says that it is an honor to be needed.
I am (re)learning to let go that go. Let the ego go.
October 31st/November 1st is Samhain and it marks the end of the Harvest. It’s a time for letting go. The perfect time to embrace this journey I’m on. To make my way out of the Underworld and toward the sun again. I created a ritual to embrace this Persephone energy and I’ve been looking forward to it all month because Samhain felt like the perfect time for deep connection. I’ve been reading Journey to the Dark Goddess and I came up with some great ideas on how to honor the day and the Goddess.
I bought pomegranate incense, Persephone tealights, Persephone perfume oil, and Persephone art. This was such a special day for me, I planned this ritual for days. I bought a pomegranate, which is symbolic of the six pomegranate seeds that Persephone consumed in the Underworld. Eating them kept her in the Underworld six months out of the year.
I took a bath with essential oils and listened to soothing music.
I lit the candles and the incense. Adorned myself with the perfume oil, deep notes of chocolate and pomegranate, I love it. I did one of the exercises from Journey to the Dark Goddess and then I journaled out my feelings. All of the disappointment and hurt that I feel. I confronted my ego and the things about myself that I need to work on.
We have to turn inward and do the shadow work.
It was a very healing experience for me. I feel tired and content and at peace with a lot of things, even though I know the work isn’t over.