Couples Therapy

I talk about loving yourself a lot, but it’s really not an easy process, depending on your starting point in the journey. If you are starting at rock-bottom, it’s a pretty tedious, exhausting, terrifying process.

Think Frodo’s journey to Mordor.

Love yourself. Two simple words and a whole lot of work. It’s more than just doing nice things for yourself, it’s more than having a positive attitude, it’s a get-your-hands-dirty kind of job.

It’s basically couples therapy.

Think about it! You’re in a relationship  and you get called nasty names all of the time. Fat, ugly, useless, things like that. Whenever you make a mistake things get blown out of proportion and it’s all your fault and piles of blame are heaped on top of you. You never go out and do things and tokens of love are nonexistent in your life. That sounds like a pretty crappy relationship doesn’t it? But so often we have that kind of relationship with ourselves.

It’s negative, abusive, and you get no nourishment from it.

It’s really hard to turn that around and oftentimes it’s a pretty intensive process and just like repairing any relationship, there are a few areas that you should concentrate on.

How do you communicate with yourself? What things do you tell yourself when you’re upset and having a bad day? How often do you compliment yourself, your looks, and your achievements? This is one of the most important things that you need to work on when embarking on a journey of self love. Changing the way that you communicate with yourself and your body is the #1 game-changer.

Honoring Needs
When you’re in a relationship it’s a fine line to walk between making sure that your needs are met and meeting another person’s needs. It’s all about the give + take and making sure that you’re not doing too much of one and too little of the other. In self-love you’ve got to balance your needs with what the world wants from you. If you need to say no to someone, honor that. If you need to relax, or take a vacation, or put yourself first, honor that as well.

You have to form a bond of trust with yourself and your choices. Get in touch with your intuition, trust yourself to know what is best and make the right decision. You may screw up sometimes but you work through it and you learn, and you make better decisions next time. Trust in yourself and your abilities to get you exactly where you need to be. You will fuck up, but you’ll also rebuild the trust and do better next time. Support yourself and your dreams.

Above all, we want to be loved and accepted unconditionally. We want to know that when we accidentally muck it all up, everything will still be okay. When we turn that love and that acceptance on ourselves, oh how things begin to shift and transform in our lives. There’s no more beating ourselves us, no more self-recrimination, just lovingly accepting that we make mistakes, that we can learn from them, and move on to be better and stronger people.

What do you think is a hot topic for self love?