inner safe space

Find Your Inner Safe Space

One thing that often happens when you don’t love yourself or when you have mental health issues is a constant yearning for a safe space.

You want a place (often a person) where you feel loved. When you have anxiety or depression you want a place that makes you feel calm. So often we search for that outside of ourselves. Which isn’t always a bad thing – support systems are important. We want to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good and safe, but it is also so important to cultivate that sense of love and calm within yourself as well.

The concept of an inner safe space has always been very important to me but it has also been a really huge struggle. In my early 20s I went through an intense period of depression and self-loathing and the concept of a safe space was alien to me.

I did not feel like I had a safe space inside of my skin.

Imagine the feeling of surrounding yourself with negative people and also being negative inside of your head. There’s nowhere to escape, there’s no break from the negativity and you just get dragged down with it until it becomes part of you. There is no sanctuary because that place inside of yourself feels more like a burning wasteland than a temple of peace.

You can measure your self-love by your sense of that inner safe space.

When you love yourself one of the wonderful things that starts to become a priority is feeling safe and happy in your own skin. When you truly tap into the self-love you begin to like your own company, to develop hobbies that you enjoy that are not all about other people filling you up. You discover ways to complete yourself, even if it’s just in little ways.

It’s one of my favorite transformations – learning to truly and completely like being in your own head.

When you lack self love it’s different. You look for that feeling of comfort and safety – entirely from other people. You don’t like being alone with yourself so you surround yourself with other people who can make you feel good about yourself instead.

They block out the negative voices in your head so that you don’t have to deal with it. They make you feel better and worthwhile if only for the time that they are around you. and they distract you from what’s going on inside.

It’s so important to balance the inside and the outside.

Close your eyes and find that space within yourself that’s full of zen and calm. That place that you retreat to when you need to breathe and take a step back. Does that place exist for you? If your inner sanctuary could be a real place what would it look like? What would it feel like?

When you’re going through a really crappy time do you feel like you have an inner space that makes you feel safe and loved?

Allow yourself to feel safe inside of who you are.

I remember one of the first times I allowed myself to be safe with myself. I was having a meltdown, I don’t remember what it was about, but I was trying to resist the urge to be self destructive, to flip out, to lash out, and to lose control. so, I laid down and I wrapped my arms around my middle and I reminded myself that I was safe.

“You are safe. You are okay.”

I repeated those words to myself until they sunk in and after a little while I believed them and after that I started feeling better and after that I felt good. It was my first experience in a long time that I was there for myself. I didn’t need someone else to pick up the pieces or to distract me. It’s a good reminder to surround yourself with a great support system but also make room for supporting yourself.

Creating Your Inner Safe Space

It usually starts from the outside in.

Surroundings: Your space should be conductive to that inner peace vibe. Have a room or section of your home that just makes you feel calm and at peace. My living room is that place for me. It’s decorated with plants and pretty art and it gives me the space to rest my mind.

The Senses: Candles and incense help me to access that center of calm within. Soft blankets, calming scents, soothing colors. All of these things can have an effect on how we feel inside.

Hobbies and Activities: Painting, writing, drawing, crocheting, running, yoga – are all things that help create that sense of safety and calm. They allow you to zen out. They help you release stress and anxiety.

Self-Talk: Make sure that the voice in your head is kind to yourself. Practice positive self-talk and being your own cheerleader. Your inner voice is like a radio that’s constantly on and if all you’re hearing is negative feedback – it affects you.

Control your Emotions: When I learned that I had control over my emotions (to an extent) things began to change for me. I’m not saying that you can magically change your emotions – especially those related to things like PTSD, anxiety, and depression – but we do have the ability to learn to manage our emotions. I learned how to bring those explosive emotions down instead of acting out and it helped so much.

When you combine all of these things you start creating space. Sitting in your favorite room with a pen and paper in front of you makes you feel grounded. It’s all about being able to find stability inside of you.

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