If you haven’t been keeping up with the latest Dominee news, I have an announcement! I quit my job to work on Blessing Manifesting full-time.
It was so terrifying. It’s something that I’ve been building up to for years but I wasn’t confident that I could make it on my own. That’s always been something I’ve struggled with. It’s not even really the lack of belief in myself but the anxiety around it and unpacking so much baggage.
I come from a low-income family. Growing up my mom would work two jobs at a time and we’d still be on assistance. Money was such a huge factor in my childhood. It meant that I barely got to see my mom and when I did she was exhausted or short-tempered. I developed money anxiety really young. I remember whenever we’d go school shopping I’d try to buy the cheapest clothes possible so we could save money.
No one in my immediate family has been self-employed or even gone to college. So taking this step felt like facing a lot of generational baggage.
And then there’s anxiety. No matter how well I manage it, a big step like this is bound to bring it up. Will I be able to support my family? What happens if I can’t make it? What about all of my bills? It’s hard to just slap a “Believe In Yourself” bandaid on top of that and jump in with both feet.
But I’ve been slowly focusing on untangling all of those things so that I can believe in myself and do the thing. So I’ve officially done the thing. And I am so excited about what’s to come.
I wanted to talk a little bit about how to find confidence in yourself, especially if you’re anxious.
My Confidence Building Tips.
Focus on You
The first step is feeling comfortable in your own skin. True confidence comes from being yourself, that’s what makes you really shine. When you’re living as your authentic self, being confident comes naturally. The first place to look when unlocking your confidence is yourself. Focusing on who you are, what you’re good at, and what you want from life can help you understand yourself better.
Master the Art of Organization
Organization and confidence are two things that go hand in hand, especially when you have anxiety. My anxiety often clings to the what-ifs. Being organized helps me manage anxiety because there’s less room to be anxious. When I know what my plans are, what my day looks like, and all the steps I need to take to get something done it helps me feel like I have everything under control. Being organized makes a significant difference. (Trello is my favorite tool for this!)
Find Your Style
Back to focusing on yourself, finding your style is another important part of being confident. If you’re dressing in a way that’s for other people or to “look the part” then you’ll feel like you’re willing a shell that’s not yours. It’s really hard to dress in a way that fits who you are while also being acceptable to society’s standards. Click here to browse a range of styles perfect for the office or the sofa.
I’ve struggled with this myself. So many bloggers/influencers/artists post these beautiful perfect snapshots of their lives and I’m over here in mismatched pajamas covered in cat fur with my hair looking bananas. I choose to just be me.
The Importance Of Positivity
It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re anxious or struggling to be confident. One of the things that helps me is being my biggest cheerleader. The way I talk to myself matters. A simple “You got this,” goes a long way. I also like to argue with that little anxious voice that’s all doom and gloom.
You can take on more responsibility, you will get the question right, you are talented enough to get recognized. Be the voice in your head that tell you that you can.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the things you’re struggling with that you begin to minimize or ignore the things that are going right. It’s also important not to magnify the little things that go wrong. Things like a little mistake, slow traffic, or terrible weather, needn’t ruin your day. You have to focus on all the things that are going right.
Stop Looking For Approval From the Wrong People
Humans naturally want approval. We want to be told we’re doing a good job. In the age of social media we can get that approval instantly from tons of people. We can also get a lot of disapproval.
You will never be able to make everyone happy – especially on the internet. You just have to be confident in your work and what you do. Stand behind your message and what you create. This is a great tip: do you really want approval from people you wouldn’t take advice from? If the answer is no, then who cares what they think? There are plenty of other people who matter.
Readjust Your Thought Process
Humans do this thing called distorted thinking. Sometimes our brains go a little wonky in the way that they process information. Sometimes we magnify mistakes and minimize success. We fall into all-or-nothing thinking which tells us that if we do one thing wrong then we’re doing everything wrong. We take a small mistake and then we twist it as evidence that we are just not meant to be doing what we’re doing. Sometimes we have to learn how to change our thought process.
When you’re able to recognize where your thinking is distorted you can start feeling good about what you’re doing which helps you feel confident about it!
Spend Time By Yourself (And Enjoy It)
Alone time is an important part of self-care and an important aspect of building your confidence. When you’re spending time alone you’re able to tap into your true self without anyone else’s expectations to influence you. I love my alone time because it gives me the opportunity to just be which improves my creativity.
It’s easy to live life at 100 miles per minute, especially with our smartphones connecting us to conversations all over the world. Don’t be afraid to switch off for an evening, take a break, and bask in the world around you. If there’s one thing that will slowly tear down your confidence it’s trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing. Just do your own thing. Be you.
Fake It Till You Make It
The jury is still out on whenever this is good advice or not, but in the right circumstances, I’ve found it helpful. If you suffer from imposter syndrome, faking it until you make it can help you build up your confidence to truly believe in yourself. I still feel weird calling myself a writer or an artist and being in spaces that are for creative types, and that’s a situation where faking it helps me.
Me: “Why yes, yes I do belong here among all you cool awesome people.” Insert nervous laughter.
Confidence happens when you’re comfortable. You’re allowed to doubt yourself, it’s all part of being human, but you should also remember you’re always more capable than you think you are, and that’s perhaps one of the most important lessons anyone can learn in life.
What are your confidence-building tips?
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I love your website, and it’s helped me so much. It so great to see another sapphic, mental health aware woman (i don’t know if that makes sense, kinda freaking out, i’m also a tween tho) and i would just like to say/ ask for advice, I have been opening up to my parents about my mental health and most of all my anxiety. I have been talking about how it feels and my physical symptoms but they are just putting it down to lockdown, even though over half of my worries aren’t about coronavirus. I want to see a doctor, as I’ve been looking at online testing and all have come up on anxiety, depression and OCD to make sure to see a GP, but I think my parents think it’s too much of a big step, and that I’m too young, even though over 50 percent of mental disorders start before 14. I want to convince them in a way that doesn’t make it seem desperate. I think your such a good person to ask. A couple months ago, I cut my arm. I have got the scar, and have got out of self-harm but I really want my parents to know this is an issue. I thought of your website and realised I could email you. Can you give me some help? I don’t want this to grow into something worse. I’ve tried brutal honesty. I’ve asked my friends (one of which is autistic). I know you get a lot of emails, and if you reply, I’ll be so happy! xx😍