Graveyard of Old Habits: Letting Go

Autumn is traditionally the season of letting go and releasing. Danielle C. on Patreon made a suggestion of things to let go or “bury” that would benefit our mental health and I thought it was a nice way to kind of check in with ourselves as see what it’s time to let go of.

I guess you could consider my brain just a tiny bit haunted. Not by ghosts but by the conversation from 2008 that still bothers me, or all of the times I said “yes” when I wanted to say “no”, or all of the years I spent trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be.

So, in the spirit of Halloween, I thought it would be fun to take a little stroll through a graveyard filled with things we’re ready to lay to rest.

Each headstone represents something that’s worth learning to let go of, one shovel-full at a time.

Overthinking

Overthinking loves to hide beneath “I’m being super prepared.” It’s like if we think about a thing hard enough and long enough, we can think through every possible outcome and THEN there won’t be any reason to be anxious. Until the next thing comes along 5 seconds later. One way to work on overthinking is to try to contain it to a small period of time. Set a timer for 10 minutes to think, plan, or worry and when it goes off, gently tell your brain, “That’s enough, time to move on.”

Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome tells us we’re faking it, even when we’ve earned every good thing that’s come our way. One way to combat this is to write it down on paper – WHY you are awesome. Write down all of the work and experiences that got you to where you are. Write down the kind things people have said to or about you. When doubt starts digging itself back up, read your list and remind yourself that you belong right where you are.

Saying Yes When You Mean No

This one often rises again and again like a zombie, especially for recovering people-pleasers. Bury it by practicing small, low-stakes “no’s.” Say no to an extra task, a call when you’re tired, or a favor you don’t have bandwidth for. Each no helps enforce in your mind that “no” is not the end of the world for other people and once you get through the initial discomfort it feels good.

Fear of Missing Out

FOMO feeds on the idea that life is happening somewhere else without you. It’s the whole “grass is greener” thing. So we turn our attention to our grass (aka what is in front of us). Take a breath and name five things that are good in your life. It may not look like what someone else has – but that doesn’t make it less than.

Negative Self-Talk

This one might never stay buried forever but we can teach the ghost to be kind. When that critical voice decides to be loud – try responding like you would to a friend: gentle, loving, understanding. Bury the criticism under shovelfuls of compassion and self-kindness.

Always People-Pleasing:

People-pleasing often comes from fear, whether that’s of rejection, of conflict, of not being enough. To let it rest, start by asking yourself: “What do I want?” even in small ways. Over time, you’ll stop seeking peace by managing others’ happiness and start finding it in your own.

Taking On Too Much

You are not superhuman. You can not carry allllll the things, all the time. (Cue Surface Pressure from Encanto). Make “doing less” a goal you can measure. Write shorter lists. Add rest as something on your to-do list. Let “enough” be your new productivity standard (at least sometimes!)

Guilt for Resting or Taking Breaks: Rested in peace and on purpose.

This one deserves a fancy headstone. Rest is not laziness. Full stop. It is essential. It is something that you need. To bury the guilt, reframe rest as a responsibility, not a reward. Say it out loud: “Rest is part of the work.” Then do it on purpose. Take naps, scroll guilt-free, let your body and brain exhale.

Your Self-Care Assignment on Letting Go

Check out this worksheet on Patreon – it asks you to choose one thing to start letting go of.