Earlier this month on Patreon I created an image that says “Give yourself the love that you wish other people would give you.” And there were a few people with the very good question of “How?”. That’s a question that felt very familiar to me because there was a time in my self-love journey when I just didn’t know how to start. It felt really overwhelming. So, how do you show yourself love? Start where you are.
Ask yourself what you need right now and then do that thing. Sometimes it’s such an easy thing to answer: a long bath. Time curled up with a book. Good food and a movie.
And other times, that answer is something bigger and something that we can’t just give ourselves in a matter of days or even weeks. But there’s always a first step that will get us there and we can take it.
Discover your Self-Love Language
Playing off the 5 Love Languages by author Gary Chapman, I came up with the Self-Love Languages. We all feel love in different ways. Some people NEED lots of physical affection, some people need thoughtful gifts, and some people need quality time with no distractions. How we feel loved by other people can also translate into how we show love to ourselves.
Love on Your Inner Child
Another way to show yourself the love you wish other people would have given you is to be kind to your inner child. Think back to what you needed during your childhood. Did you need more time to just have fun and be a kid? Then do those things now.
Did you need a safe space? Create that space in your own life or in your own home.
What kind of person did you need in your life? Take steps toward becoming that person.
Did you need love, acceptance, and support? Give those things to yourself. Change the way you speak to yourself, day by day.
Embrace the weird.
It can feel incredibly weird to take yourself out on dates or to give yourself hugs or be physically affectionate with yourself. Try it out anyway. I wrap my arms around myself and give myself hugs. I give myself neck and foot massages. When I was single I went to the movies by myself. It all felt weird at first but it also changed the relationship I had with myself. It was so worth it. The weird was worth it.
Your thoughts are so practical and honest, very much appreciated, especially taking just one step at a time and starting where you are. It’s a process that never ends, for me anyway, but loving and accepting myself is the starting point for everything else I do.
I just have to say: going to the movies alone is the best way to go! No one to bother you, you can just focus on the plot!
But yes to your point in this article. Another thing you could add to your list of how to self care is with deep breathing exercises. Definitely helps to calm the body.
really got hooked on to your idea of self-love languages. How beautifully you have articulated the concept.
As someone who suffers from depression, I understand how difficult it is to show ourselves self-care, love, acceptance and nurturing. We usually feel that focusing on self-care is selfish and narcissism. As a result, we suffer until we breakdown. For me self-care lately has been taking a long and luxurious bath with a spa candle by the side of my bath tub, brewing a cup of coffee after a long day at work, an afternoon nap, a lunch date with myself. My inner child has been throwing less tantrums now:) I will continue adding to my self-care list through the ideas shared in your articles. Keep the good work coming~
Peace and abundant blessings ~
Tia~