How to Cope With Dental Anxiety

I’ve talked about this on social media, but I wanted to dive into it a little more (and be super vulnerable while doing it)so lets talk about dental anxiety and depression. Because one of the lesser-known ways anxiety and depression can affect you? They can make you lose your teeth.

Not directly, of course, but they absolutely play a role. For me, I spent my teens and early 20s struggling with depression, and let’s just say oral hygiene wasn’t exactly a priority.

And then there was the anxiety. Making a dentist appointment meant talking on the phone (horrifying), to a stranger (even worse), to schedule something that would fill me with dread every single day leading up to it. And then I’d actually have to go to the appointment where another stranger would poke around in my mouth, probably judging me the entire time.

So I avoided it. The only time I saw a dentist was when the pain was unbearable and I had no other option. By then the damage was already done, and my choices were usually a root canal or having the tooth pulled. (I got a root canal once, never made the follow-up appointment for the crown, and two years later, the tooth had to be pulled anyway after the temporary filling broke… and I procrastinated. Again.)

Where this anxiety started.

As a kid, my mom was a single mom, who was working two jobs and had three kids, one of them autistic. Going to the dentist was not at the top of the list when we were trying to survive. So from a very young age I began to associate it as a last resort.

Six years ago, I went to the dentist, I was in a lot of pain. And the hygienist looked at my teeth, and she said, “You have such a pretty smile but you need to take better care of your teeth if you want to keep it.” I was horrified by that comment. Like absolutely horrified.

I felt so ashamed. How to explain to her that often my depression was so bad I couldn’t get out of bed? Or some days I couldn’t bring myself to shower? I never went back there.

So I don’t want to discount the reality of truly crappy experiences (and for many people trauma) and how that also impacts the anxiety, shame, and depression around the whole topic.

Last year, one of my New Years Resolutions was to conquer my dental anxiety and get all of my dental work done no matter what.

Even when I wasn’t in pain. Even when it wasn’t an emergency. And even when I didn’t want to.

So I went. First I had a root scaling and planing, which is a deep cleaning where the plaque has gotten under your gums and caused gum disease from lack of regular cleanings. That took two appointments to get done.

Then I had two teeth pulled.

Next was my six month cleaning.

Then my bottom teeth got fillings.

And yesterday, my top teeth got their fillings.

I am officially done with all of my dental work – dental anxiety defeated (kinda)!

My next appointment is months from now and just a check-up/cleaning.

While it’s a bit embarrassing to admit that at 33 years old this is the first time in my life where I’m not putting off/ignoring a dental procedure, I’m also super proud of myself.

So if this is something that you’ve struggled with, you are not alone.

Here are some of the things that helped me.

Find the right dentist.

My dentist actually used to be kids-only. This seemed like a big plus to me. If they can handle kids, surely they can handle me. I called the office to make my first appointment and I explained that I had anxiety and I asked what the dentist was like. “She’s very calm and soft-spoken, you will love her.”

And I do. She’s such a sweet person and she totally gets it!

Bring something to distract yourself.

A lot of dentists have TVs in the room, find something comforting/funny to watch. Listen to music, meditations, podcasts while you’re in the waiting room. Focus on relaxing your mind.

Bring a stress ball to squeeze during your procedure if you’re getting nervous.

My first few appointments, I sat in the waiting room watching episodes of Golden Girls to help me laugh and stop being so nervous.

Find the appointment schedule that works for you.

All of my appointments took about a year to do. I tried to do one every other month. Initially, I wanted to get it done as soon as possible, but I knew that it would drain and overwhelm me very quickly.

So, I tried to schedule appointments during low-stress times and sometimes it was still too much. I also had to do early mornings, as soon as they opened if possible – that way I wasn’t stuck waiting if they got backed up and I could get it done and over with and have the rest of the day to myself.

Use mindfulness techniques.

Meditation, breathing exercises, and visualizations are your friend.
Focusing on your breathing, reassure yourself over and over again, and come up with a mantra that helps you feel better about everything.

Practice your self-care for anxiety leading up to your appointment!

It’s okay to ask for extra help.

If your anxiety gets worse as the procedure goes on, talk about hand signals that you can give your dentist to get a break.

Sometimes having oxygen before or during your procedure can help calm you down.

Nitrous oxide can also help relax you. (It doesn’t relax me but that’s a whole different story, hahaha.)

Talk to your dentist about other suggestions that can help you cope with getting through the appointments.

People are there to help you overcome dental anxiety.

Remember that your dentist is there to help you (which can be hard to keep in mind when you’ve had bad experiences)! Their job is to help ease your pain, help fix whatever problems are going on, and they want to alleviate your anxiety. They aren’t the enemy and they aren’t scary. And if they ARE then you never have to go back to them. YOU get to *fire* them as your dentist.

Trust in them having your best interests and wanting to help you. See them as people who got into this field to do good work.

Going to the dentist isn’t an easy fear or phobia to conquer I wouldn’t even say that I’ve conquered it, it still makes me anxious. But it’s something that I’ve learned to deal with, and I am so proud of getting to this point.

It’s embarrassing to admit that your teeth aren’t at their greatest because your brain keeps telling you to run away from the tools and resources that can help.

Living with anxiety and depression is more than just being sad or nervous.

I’m committed to talking about all aspects of mental health including the ‘shameful’ things like dental anxiety, BFRBs, and executive dysfunction when it comes to cleaning. Thanks for being part of the conversation with me.

How do you cope with dental anxiety?