I have never been very fond of my name for a variety of reasons. I hate it. It’s always felt like this baggage that I have to carry with me and can’t let go of.
It is reminiscent of the baggage that I carried with me when I hated my body. It’s very similar. We sometimes define ourselves by how we look and we also define ourselves by what we are called.
I hate my name because I feel like it has always been something that separates me from everyone else.
It has caused a lot of resentment towards my mother, if you can believe such a thing. Sit back and I will tell you the story of why.
I was my mother’s first child. My mother, who is white, was dating my father, who was black when I was conceived (This ends the part my bio-dad plays in this story). By the time I was born, she had broken up with him and had already married someone else, who was also white.
I was named Dominee Rochelle Malina Wyrick.
I was raised as his child, along with my sister and brother who came after me.
The rumor is that my father didn’t even realize that I wasn’t his biological child until I was older. I don’t know how true that is because it’s not a topic that I ever bring up with my family. I was told that I was not his biological daughter when I was around the age of seven, my mom said I cried a lot that day.
It was when I began to feel like the Other.
My whole entire family was white and I was not. I often felt like I didn’t belong. I remember telling other children on the playground that I had spent too much time in the sun and that was why I wasn’t white like my sister. It always felt like something I should be ashamed about. I would never look the same and I felt like my last name was a lie, a name that did not really belong to me.
My sister was named Rachel Ellen after our Grandmother and Great Grandmother and my brother was named James Preston, after his father and Grandfather. I was named weird ol’ Dominee, a name that had no ties to my history or heritage. A name that didn’t fit in with the simplistic traditional names of my siblings. Mine was a name that everyone always got wrong, and after awhile it just seemed to reflect everything about me. My name was wrong, my skin color was wrong, my hair texture was wrong, and all I ever wanted was to fit in.
My name was a personification of the things that held me apart from everyone else.
Once I got online I never used my real name. I went by my middle name, Malina. I went by Talya, one of my favorite book characters, Ephiny (from Xena), MuddledClarity, anything but my own name.
That is until I made this blog. I decided that I didn’t want to hide behind a name that wasn’t me. I didn’t want to be anyone other than who I am, right down to my funky name, my stretch marks, and depression. It’s who I am and I didn’t want to hide anymore.
I also learned what my name meant.
dominee (in South Africa) a clergyman; especially a settled minister or parson. A spiritual leader of the Christian Church.
I don’t think that I would be the same person if I had a different name. However, finding love for myself has allowed me to love my name, and to love my body, and to love those things about myself that were different or unwanted or strange.
That is what my name has taught me.
I love your name, Dominee! And the spiritual connection makes sense, even if you are not Christian, you are a spiritual leader. You are so very lovable, you know.
That said, I did change my name to something that felt more "me" after a divorce and a big ol' rage stage. Sometimes it gets confusing and I feel a little schizo, but I've been Loran for almost 26 years and that is who I is now.
Thank you for such a personal post! My real name (as you know) is Deanna, which I kind of like although I didn't like it as a child. I never liked my maiden last name because it got kind of made fun of in school but mostly it belonged to my father (he's always been in my life but I've never had a good relationship with him) and his whole side of the family with that surname treated me as "that weird sickly kid". The first time I married my last name changed to Martin. I loved that name. It was my deepest romantic relationship too (the closest I've had to a soulmate) but it had an very ugly ending that has never been resolved. When I re-married I wanted to keep it and hyphenate it with my new last name (Herrman, which I've always felt kind of apathetic about, it just doesn't feel like "me"). I wanted to do this not only because "Deanna Martin" was the only name that ever felt right but because I was only going to have children with different last names and I didn't want them to feel odd. My husband threw a fit about that though, so I just gave in and and dropped the other name but always regretted that. Every since I've practiced magickal spirituality I've always had a "spiritual" name (like Winter P. Dawson), but that is another story altogether. To me Winter P. Dawson is the side of me I can only show to like minded friends. :-/
What a beautiful story fellow Goddess Circle member!!! Sooo very touching and inspiring. What power and courage you have to write such a personal story. You are beautiful.
Really interesting post. I completely understand how you feel, brave post Dominee. :-)
I didn't always love my name, and it went with not loving myself either. When I grew up, I grew to like "Sibylle", and these days I love my name and am very grateful to my parents for choosing it for me. It fits me like a glove, with its meaning of "prophetess" – in ancient Greece Sibylle wasn't so much a name as a title. When I visited the site of the old Oracle of Delphi, I found a "Rock of Sibylle" there :-)
And by the way, I'd never heard the name Dominee before I got to know you, and I've always found it to be a very melodic name. It's special and beautiful, just like you are!
Like many children, I wanted a different name. My name is Cassandra and I thought that was too weird and long when I was a child and wanted to be named Kate. As I grew older I realized I liked the uniqueness and I had to chuckle when I found out the meaning – one who inflames men with love. Ha! Dominee is even more unique! I've never heard of anyone named that, which is why it's so cool :)
Beautiful Goddess, kudos to you for such a brave post. I, too, am a first-born (of four) carrying a name that has no family connection, unlike my siblings, who are all named in honor of family. Growing up, I never felt much connection to my name, and secretly felt a little disappointed that my parents hadn't gifted me with a family name. In my early twenties, my mom finally told me I'd been named after a woman that both my parents knew as a dear and close friend, who had been murdered by her husband. I'm not so disappointed by their choice anymore. :)
And darling, I felt a little stirring inside when I read the South African meaning for your name: spiritual leader stood right out to me – and although I have only begun to know you through your writing here, I feel that this title speaks strongly to who you are. Indeed, you are quickly becoming like a spiritual inspiration to me, and for that I thank you, Dominee.
Thank you for sharing such a brave and honest feelings. I can imagine how emotionally distressing all that you endured must have been. So sad for a child (of any age) to feel like an outsider amongst her own family. (which is also why I believe that at some point, many people are better off choosing who and what defines their family, as obviously, the old adage "blood is thicker than water" holds little truth). I have never liked my name, which seems so masculine and old fashioned to me. I am often called a derivative of my name, such as Lori, Laura or Lauren, which are all more common (and "prettier", I think!), which I am used to and will answer to…but it drives my husband CRAZY, as he loves my name! The only story about my name that I am aware of is that my mom planned to name me "Lisa Jo" and a friend said that they would then call me "Liza" and my mom freaked out at that, so she changed it to Laurie! I have to say that I have loved your name, Dominee, since I first find out/heard of you & your blog! To me it is a happy name, with an upbeat, rather lyrically sing-song quality to it! I applaud your bravery to leave the past negative connotations of the pain caused by your name and celebrate the uniqueness of it and of YOU! {{hugs}}
Oh my goodness! My heart cries out to you and I'm so proud of you for sharing some painful and heartfelt words. Hugs and lots more hugs,
Ziggy
What an amazing post Dominee. I just adore your name. Although I do relate as I grew up disliking my name too. Toni….a boys name! So glad you can now embrace your name X huge hugs and luv to you
I just did assignment for a writing class on my name, so it was yet another example of serendipity that I read this post today!
As always, you touch a spot in my heart. Maybe our stories aren't the same, but the feelings they have evoked? I understand those.
How fateful is it that your name has the meaning that it does? Because you are most definitely a spiritual leader, in every way that matters. Your name carries power, wisdom, and a spiritual beauty that I want for myself!
Aw, what a heart-breaking thing for a little girl to feel she didn't fit. Sending you lots of big squishy hugs! I'm glad you're coming to like your name – I think it's beautiful. I'm lucky, I always loved my name, I felt I didn't fit because of what was inside, not because of my looks or name! I was bookish, shy, 'odd' – of course, now I know I'm fabulous and always have been! xx
A lot of people hate their names. If you want to change your name it is really quite easy. Check out this source for a simple name change process: https://www.ukdeedpolloffice.org/how-do-i-change-my-name/.
Also to hear another perspective of someone who hated their name check this out https://www.ukdeedpolloffice.org/i-hate-my-name/