It’s no secret that I absolutely love historical romance novels. (If you do too, be my friend on goodreads!) Reading is my most used self-care, my way to unwind, relax, and have quiet Dominee-time.
The other day I was struck by something in one of my books the Duchess War. The hero is trying to get the heroine to believe in herself and to believe that she can have more than what she has. She’s afraid though.
“Don’t tell me to look up. Don’t ask me to want. If I do, I’ll never survive.” — Courtney Milan
Then I realized that I feel that way sometimes. I’m afraid to be bigger than I am, I’m afraid that if I believe that I can be that person it’s eventually going to collapse all around me.
I’m afraid to look up.
I’m afraid that if I look up I will see how very far I have to go. I’m afraid that I’ll get discouraged at how high I have to climb. I’m afraid that I just won’t have what it takes. I’m afraid of the fall if I get there. I want so much for myself and for my business and for my purpose that sometimes it’s just so terrifying to want something so bad.
Are you afraid too?
It’s easier to look straight ahead, at what you have right now. It’s easy to be grateful for what you have in the moment than to think or wish or hope or strive for what you might have. The truth is, you might not ever get it. Could you bounce back if you looked up? If you saw it within your grasp, if you knew it was so close, and then it slipped through your fingers? Could you afford not to try though?
I think that’s where we have to start to be brave. Wanting something, to succeed, to be greater than we are, that is bravery. Allowing yourself to look up, that’s courage.
We might not reach that goal. We might not ever become that person that we want to be, but we have to try. We have to look up.
We have to believe in ourselves.
Right now I’m being brave in putting myself out there, believing that Journey Through Journaling is going to be a success, believing that I am so meant to do what I’m doing. It’s hard to look up but my eyes are on the stars right now.
I’m afraid to look up, but I’m looking up.
Ugh, this so relates to me right now. I've wanted to start a blog for years now, but I never had the guts to (1) do it, and then (2) keep up with it. Last week I finally did it, and I love it! But there's always that fear that I won't be as successful as the bloggers I follow and am inspired from, that this new path won't lead me anymore or won't lead me where I'm hoping. There's always that thought, "Is it worth it?" that not only follows me in terms of my baby blog, but in many other aspects of life as well. Thank you for this post. It encourages me to tell myself that even if this path doesn't lead me where I hope it does, YES IT'S WORTH IT!
I'm bravely facing the next step of my journey. And sometimes not so bravely, when the fear threatens to take over! I have the memory of what it's like to fall, to let it slip through my fingers, to look up and NOT reach. I also have the memory of surviving that experience, and moving on, and eventually reaching up again.
So I guess what I'm saying is… I hear you! <3
Beautiful post! And always a great reminder to be brave! Be brave!
I used to feel like this a lot. Now I've got a few failures under my belt, a few reaches that fell short, I just do what I'm inspired to do and let the results be what they will be. Of course I want things to be successful, but if they're not, I did what I was inspired to do and I have to trust that there was a reason for me to do what I did, and keep building, keep learning, keep moving forward, do better next time. One day, when the jigsaw pieces fit together perfectly, I'll understand why it happened as it did. Meantime, thing big, take baby steps, right?! xx