Hey there lovelies!
I have an announcement. I’ve changed the name of my website from Blessing Manifesting to Self-Love Rainbow! I created Blessing Manifesting 11 years ago and the name was from the lyrics to a song that really helped me when I was depressed and feeling suicidal. It started as a personal blog to document my mental health journey while sharing some love and positivity and here we are over a decade later and I am such a completely different person. It just felt like time for a change. I wanted something cheesy and light and fun and colorful and Self-Love Rainbow came to me and instantly loved it. And that’s at the foundation of everything I create, isn’t it? Self-love. It feels like me. It feels like home. (But if it doesn’t a decade from now, that’s okay too)
It also ties into my Word of the Year for 2022.
Here’s a quick tl;dr Your word of the year takes the place of a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a word that embodies what you want to be/think/feel/do. Something that you can apply in little ways throughout your life instead of a concrete goal that involves either failure or success like a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a guide and a theme for 365 days. (Here are my past “words”) And you can also get my little Word-of-the-Year Guidebook to help you come up with your own!
My Word of the Year for 2021 was Pause. This is what I wrote in December of last year.
“My current life has been without pause. I work 40 hours a week in retail and that’s been bananas [because of the pandemic]. But there’s also been Blessing Manifesting. Most days I work 14 hours, split between Blessing Manifesting and my retail job. On my “days off” from my retail job, I’m usually working on Blessing Manifesting from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed.
I want to push pause on spending time on the things that drain me.
Pause to enjoy the moment.
Pause to meet other needs that aren’t about productivity.”
And that word definitely showed up in so many ways – the biggest among them – I quit my retail job. I still work too much but this year was also filled with days spent by the lake in the sunshine, road trips, and evenings spent in bed watching kdramas. I have been able to actually relax for what feels like the first time in my adult life.
I’ve also discovered so much about myself now that I have time.
My Word of the Year is “Foundation”.
There are so many reasons why that word fits with where I am right now. Being away from retail has had a huge impact on me and how I see myself. I worked the same job at the same place for almost 17 years. Most of the time I loved it. I even still miss it, BUT I had no idea how absolutely draining it was on every level until I was away from it.
The biggest change has been in my social anxiety. Having to put on a “retail-friendly” mask and then maintain that for 9 hours a day for 17 years was more exhausting than I realized. It’s been so interesting to see how I’ve blossomed socially. I text people first! I like having conversations! AND I have more space to respond and interact with people online. Having the space to not “people” has made me enjoy “people-ing” so much more.
I also became my brother’s guardian and that shook my foundation. I’ve never wanted to have kids because I’ve had a lot of trauma around being forced into caregiver roles. I couldn’t imagine being responsible for another human being and the amazing thing is that it’s been wonderful. He’s happy, I’m happy, my partner is so loving and supportive, we have our own little family. There are challenges (it’s normal to freak out when he gets a cold for the first time, right? That made me feel like a true parent!) but overall it’s been wonderful.
I’m exploring my own foundations.
For those of you who have been with me for a while, I’ve talked about not knowing my biological father and how I felt like I never quite fit into my family because I was biracial. So many people assumed that I was adopted or not related to my mom or siblings and from a very young age, I just felt hyper-aware of it. In a few weeks, I’ll be getting my 23&Me results and I am so excited to see how they create a bigger picture of where I come from.
When I was coming up with my word – the other contenders were “authentic”, “reset”, and “aligned”. I just feel like I’m exploring what it really means to be (almost 40!) Dominee. I have time to rest and explore and (re)build the foundations for what my life (and business) looks like now. It’s exciting.
Who I was when I was 25 and started this website is not who I am now as I’m approaching 40. I look forward to meeting this new me and thanks for being with me on the journey.