Whoo. We made it through another year. And what a year. If you’ve known me for any amount of time then you’ll know that I’m an eternal optimist. I’m not the kind of optimist that’s like “good vibes only” and ignores that sometimes things just suck – but I do tend to believe that most things are going to work out and I try not to be bothered by the little stuff (do a succeed? 50/50 but that’s life, right?). This year really challenged me in that way and by the end of it, I was cranky, exhausted, and in desperate need of a week’s long nap.
(Meaning I AM cranky and exhausted!)
This year was my first full year of being fully self-employed.
It was also my first full year as guardian of my brother.
My nephews were going through a really hard time and they spent a lot of time over the summer hanging out with me.
On the homefront, I needed a new roof and a new HVAC system.
And hubby had another procedure for his back and dealt with the passing of his father, who he had a very tumultuous relationship with.
And to top it all off – we all got covid last month.
It was a lot of change, some money stessors, and continuing to adjust and discover a new normal. When I look back at this year that’s mainly what I feel – stressed. I shared a prompt on my page “What is the best thing that happened to you this year?” And I really struggled with an answer. The best thing about this year was that I got through it.
My word-of-the-year through the years.
|Surrender in 2012 was about surrendering to the concept of self-love and surrendering to the fact that I couldn’t control every single thing in my life.
|Shine in 2013 was about shaking away my depression for the first time in my life and letting myself be radiant. I really started blogging and sharing my story with others.
|Strength in 2014 was about getting through another period of depression.
|Depth in 2015 was about going deeper into every aspect of my life. Writing, art, and learning more about myself. I fell deeply in love that year.
|Mend in 2016 was about trying to heal my toxic and abusive relationship. What I really began to mend was my relationship with myself.
|Magic in 2017 was about focusing more on my spirituality and the magic of everyday life.
|Surrender: Part Two in 2018 saw the final end to my relationship, and the loss of my mother at the beginning of the year, and a new and amazing love toward the end. I let myself feel it all.
|Soften in 2019 was about acknowledging that the abuse I had endured for three years had changed me. I felt mentally and emotional tense, like I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wanted to stop feeling tense and to let people love me.
|Sacred in 2020 was about recognizing the sacred aspects of my life.
|Pause in 2021 was about enjoying my life. I wanted to stop working all of the time and enjoy my relationship with my husband and allow myself to fully be in those moments.
|Foundation in 2022 was about learning and exploring who I was in a new way. I am a different me and I wanted to learn what that meant.
How did Foundation go for me?
That’s tough to answer. I changed my business name from Blessing Manifesting to Self-Love Rainbow and that felt like a good change – one that solidified my foundation and felt more like me. Now that I think about it – as far as my business goes – “foundation” fit well. I really figured out my direction. Before I quit my job last year, I was working on my business wherever I could. After work, on the weekends, whenever I had vacation or PTO (sometimes in the bathroom or when I was on break). I never had free time and I never felt like I had enough time. But this year, I hit my stride and really began to understand what my business goals are.
Now for my personal life. I felt like “foundation” did nothing but expose cracks – especially in the way that I handle changes in my routine, what things cause stress and anxiety, and how I feel about my role in different aspects of my life.
I’ve talked before about how self-care routines are ever-changing. The things we’re interested in change. The joy we find in certain activities shifts. So our self-care will always look different.
I’m learning that mental health is much the same way. The way I manage my stress and anxiety has to be fluid as well. And while I have an excellent foundation – it still needs work. And I think that’s what 2022 taught me.
My word for 2023 is “Release”.
When I was deciding on my word – there were a few things that came to mind. Stability, gentleness, tend, nurture – they are all words that embody what I want to think/do/feel/be/focus on. When I was writing out my goals for the new year – the first thing I put was “Release the weight of 2022.”
And that word “release” made me take a deep breath. The kind that makes your whole body deflate but in a good way.
I want to release the tension and anxiety that feels threaded throughout my life.
To release the feeling that I’m not doing the best job as guardian, wife, sister, and aunt.
Release all of these expectations that I put on myself day after day.
So, that’s why I chose that word. I don’t know what it will have in store for me, but I think it will be healing.