Self-Care Also Looks Like…

When you hear “self-care,” what pops into your head? Right now, for me it looks like not working past 8pm because it’s been a long day and I deserve a break even though there’s still stuff to do (but there’s always stuff to do). And somedays self-care is doing my taxes early in the year so I get them over with and don’t get increasingly anxious. And sometimes it’s taking the morning off to play video games.

Self-care doesn’t really have a look. It’s almost like self-care just looks like what you need most. The thing that you’ve been neglecting.

That’s the true essence of self-care.

Now, because I am very much a never-take-time-for-myself type of person because I am always worried and anxious and generally a mess – I tend to talk about, well, soft self-care. Fluffy bathrobes and hot showers, books and coffee, Netflix and naps. Things that it’s generally hard for me to do without a reminder. (And I often feel like so many people can relate to a life of service and people-pleasing)

But I also wanted to hold a little space today for the hard self-care. Because it’s just as important, it’s just the opposite side of the coin.

Self-care isn’t always soft, aesthetic, or even particularly fun. Sometimes it’s gritty. Sometimes it’s boring. And a lot of times, it’s about doing the thing you really don’t want to do because your future self is quietly begging you to.

From experience, a lot of the hard self-care is difficult because you’re burnt out, you lack resources, or your brain isn’t playing nice with your mental health. And even though those things are very real and valid obstacles (and you deserve so much compassion around them), the hard stuff still matters. Not because you should do it, but because you deserve the life that’s waiting on the other side of it. You deserve the calm that follows the call you were dreading. The relief of finally tackling that thing you’ve been avoiding. So let’s talk about tough self-care.

Self-Care Might Look Like…

Doing your laundry before it becomes a monster with its own zip code. Not because it’s fun but because it’s nice to have clean clothes. Especially if the clothes are taking over an area of your house that would be nice to have back.

Saying no when it’s detrimental to your mental health.
Saying no to things that drain you. To people who don’t respect your time. To events that make your stomach hurt just thinking about them (although also important to know the difference when it’s probably just anxiety acting up and once you get there you’ll have fun). (No is a full sentence and a sacred act of self-preservation.)

Finally making that doctor’s/dentist appointment.
As a sufferer of dental anxiety, I get it! But I promise you, you will feel so much better once you’ve got it all taken care of. It’s a hard thing (mentally and often financially) but it’s worth it.

Setting online and social media boundaries.

I used to really encourage unplugging from social media for your wellbeing but now I think it’s more complicated than that. I think the key is having good social media boundaries and habits. Are you accidentally scrolling until 2am and waking up tired and grumpy the next morning – boundaries. Are you checking the news (or news groups/pages/accounts) multiple times all day – boundaries.

Talking kindly to yourself.
Not the easiest habit to start but a super important one. You deserve gentleness, especially from the voice inside your own head.

Responding to that text or call.
Anyone else get super socially exhausted… even through text or DMs? We live in a world where, technically, we’re available 24/7 but that doesn’t mean we’re able to be ‘on’ like that. Social burnout is very real even when it’s just tapping words on a screen. But when you let it go on and on and on, the guilt comes crashing in and it’s easier to ignore that message (until you get reminded) so sometimes self-care is also: “Hey, sorry for just now getting back to you, I’ve been a little mentally exhausted”, is self-care too.

It’s Also the Little Stuff

Things that keep you a functioning, hydrated and fed human.

• Drinking water like your body is just a complicated houseplant with emotions.
• Planning out nutritious meals so you don’t end up eating a handful of whatever snack and calling it a day (looking at you ADHDers with time blindness)
• Intentionally spending time outside that isn’t just from door to car and car to door.

Self-care is definitely about treating yourself but it’s also about tending to yourself.

Today, do something that’s the tending kind of care. Even if it’s just filling up your water bottle and remembering to take the meds you always forget even when they’re right there. Give yourself a little high five.

That counts.
It all counts.