Self-Love Languages, What’s Yours?

The 5 Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman that explores how everyone has a preferred way to receive love from other people. Some people feel love from getting gifts, others from words, others from actions.

When my love and I first started dating, I asked her what her love language was and she didn’t know. When she took the test and figured out what it was it was a great way for she and I to connect.

Sometimes it’s difficult to put into words what you need (especially if you’re a people pleaser or not used to having your needs met.) Having a general category of “these are the things that make me feel loved” really helped us connect to each other, especially because our love languages are completely different!

I wanted to explore how we can turn those ideas to ourselves with self-love languages.

We all need different things to feel loved. We all have different Self-Love Languages.

I’ve said many times that the thing I love most about self-care is how it’s different for everyone.

What I need to do to feel like I’m taking care of myself might be something completely different for you. We all need a little bit from all of the love languages but figuring out which one most resonates with you can really level up your self care practices, and if you already know what your self love language is, figure out which one you might be neglecting.

Words of Affirmation

I think this one is my personal favorite. When you deal with anxiety and depression as much as I do, sometimes building yourself with a hearty “You can do this!” or “It’s going to be okay,” and other kind affirmations for self love, are the only things that help you get through the day.

I’ve talked about the power of saying “You’re Doing SO Good.” and it’s true.

Use your words to build yourself up. Be positive in the way that you talk to yourself and about yourself. Be your biggest cheerleader.

I love daily affirmations. Use them. Choose a positive message to be the focus of your day. It doesn’t have to be cheesy. Use your words in your language. Let “I’m going to fucking rock this day.” be your affirmation.

Explore Mantra. There are so many mantras that can get you in touch with your spirituality and have a positive effect on your life. If you’re seeking peace, calm, and self-reflection – try it.

Write yourself love letters. If you’re having a really bad day – write yourself a love letter that brags about all of the things that you’ve done right today, even the little ones. Reinforce that things are okay and that YOU are okay.

You can also journal and release your words in that way.

Acts of Service

You know when you’re really tired and you don’t want to do things but you really know that you should? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sitting on my couch after a long day and the thought of moving makes me growl, but that moment I get up, make myself a cup of tea, and grab my favorite blanket – I feel so much better.

Get up and give yourself what you need when you need it.

Cook yourself nice meals when you can. Make sure that your living space is clean and decorated to reflect your inner self. Find a way to get therapy.

Serve a higher power. Getting spiritual can be a balm to your soul. Taking the time for prayer, for worship, is also the equivalent of taking the time to nourish yourself.

Make sure that your living space is clean and decorated to reflect your inner self.

Do things that make your life easier. That might be crazy good time management and delegation, or using services that help you to be a better version of yourself.

Receiving Gifts

In the famous words of Donna and Tom, Treat Yo’ Self. I used to be one of those people of constant deprivation. I was great at saving money but terrible at being kind to myself. You don’t need to go out and splurge tons of money to be kind to yourself, but you also don’t need to constantly deprive yourself.

Tell yourself “Yes.” to little gifts. I gave myself a $10 budget for gifts to myself each week. Starbucks coffee? Yes, please.

If there’s something out there that could seriously improve your life – splurge on it or start saving for it. You don’t need to be sleeping on that mattress that hurts your back or keep wearing those shoes that pinch your toes.

Create a hobby fund. You deserve that yarn, those paints, that canvas, those jewelry beads, that clay, those materials. Never feel bad for nurturing your creative self.

Invest in yourself. Invest in your mental, emotional, and physical health. Gym memberships, therapists, spa days? All worth it.

Quality Time

One of my other favorite self-love languages. Give yourself space and time to be and to simply explore who you are. I can’t tell you how many life-changing epiphanies have come from long nature walks or sitting outside in the sunshine while I journal.

Make time for solitude – for getting to know yourself and getting to like yourself. For being present in your life.

Make time to indulge in those hobbies that we talked about up above. Get creative with yourself.

Take yourself out to movies. Take yourself out to lunch. Plan a solo retreat or vacation.

Physical Touch

It is so important to be nice to your body. Your lovely body is the container to your soul, it deserves to be pampered, touched, and taken care of. Be sweet to your body and be sweet to yourself.

Do yoga or whatever exercise-y things float your boat. Swimming, Tai Chi, jogging, get those endorphins from physical activity.

Pamper yourself by giving yourself weekly or monthly spa days where you do a skin care routine, deep condition your hair, take a fancy bubble bath (OMG LUSH BATH BOMBS), and use yummy lotion on yourself.

Treat yourself to an actual real life massage once a month or every other month.

Here’s an updated printable!

What Self-Love Language resonates with you?