The Circle of Control
In the 1980s, Stephen Covey created the concept of a Circle of Concern and a Circle of Influence. The Circle of Concern contains things we care about but can’t control. The Circle of Influence are the things we care about and can impact. That was further simplified into the Circle of Control – things we can control, things we can influence, and things we can not control. (You can also read my posts on the Circle of Control for the Holidays, and Circle of Control with Family)
Why is this helpful? Because so much of our mental energy is focused on things that we do not have control over. When we’re able to write it down and see it clearly we can give ourselves permission to switch gears and change our focus.
Everyone is different and what you can and can’t control isn’t the same for everyone.
Neurodivergence plays a big part in the things that we can and can’t control. As does our support systems, access to care, and financial or socioeconomic status.
The point of the circle of control is never to shame you or say that you’re not trying/doing/being enough but to redirect your energy, time, focus, and resources to something that is in your control, even if it’s just practicing self-care and being kind to yourself through a time where you have no control.
Simplifying the Circle of Control
Most models of the Circle of Control consist of three circles – things you can control, things you can influence, and things you can not control.
I don’t like the Circle of Influence aspect and I find that it’s unhelpful for me. As someone with anxiety, I can pretty much convince myself that everything is in my influence. So eliminating that aspect into a very black-and-white model of can’t control/can control is a lot more helpful to me – but your mileage my vary!
How to Use the Circle of Control
Identify Your Worries: Take a piece of paper and write down everything that’s been on your mind lately. Don’t hold back – get it all out!
Categorize: Sort your worries into two circles. Ask yourself: Do I have direct control over this? Or is it completely out of my hands?
Focus on the Inner Circle: This is where your power lies. Make a plan for the things you can control. Redirect your focus to only those things. And if there’s nothing in that circle then write down: Self-care. The way I talk to myself. Whether or not I reach out for help/support.
Let Go of the Outer Circle: This one is hard, right? Acknowledge that some things are beyond your control and remind yourself that it’s okay to let them go. Holding on to these worries only drags you down.
It’s not about ignoring the things that are worrying you or making you anxious but it is about redirecting your energy, time, and focus toward something you can control, even if it’s just practicing self-care and being kind to yourself. That’s freaking empowering.
What’s in the Circle of Control Workbook?
A 37-Page PDF (with a black and white version for easy printing)
There’s also a 23-page version that has different colored Circles of Control without the specific titles
Create your own Circle of Control
11 themed Circles of Control: Mental Illness + examples, Relationships + examples, Job/School + examples, Social Media + examples, Physical Illness + examples, Breakups + examples, Grief + examples, Unexpected Events, Responsibilities, and Politics.
