It has been the most stressful seven days ever.
This might not be a very well-known fact, but I hate change. I hate it with a passion. Change and I are not friends, we are mortal enemies. If I had my way, things just wouldn’t change, ever.
Who needs adventure anyway?
Forgive my dramatic rant, but the thought of change has me running down the street in the opposite direction screaming like a crazy person… er… crazier person. We’re all a little crazy, let’s just accept it.
Anyway, vendettas aside, I discovered I had to leave my apartment. my lovely apartment, of 7 years and 4 months. The place I call home, the place that became even more magical after doing Creating Your Goddess Haven last year. My haven, my sanctuary, the place uniquely me, the place that has held and protected me for years.
And I have to leave it.
My apartment complex was purchased by a new company a few months ago and since then they’ve been remodeling all of the units. Black/gray/maroon walls, studio lights, and concrete floors, did I mention a $200 hike in rent? So it is time for me to leave this unit and move into a remodeled one, or leave altogether, and I really don’t want concrete floors.
I’ve been busily looking for a new place to live, feeling like my sense of stability and security has been smashed to bits, feeling so ungrounded, feeling resentful, scared, a whole kaleidoscopic of emotions that really don’t feel good. I’ve done a lot to relieve the stress, gone through my list of helpers, crystals, aromatherapy, journaling. There were two things that helped the most. Breathing and self-talk.
Sometimes all you can do is breathe and tell yourself that it’s going to be okay.
So that’s what I did and right now it is okay. I’ve found a new apartment, I move in a week from now. The complex is called Country Village (how perfect for me)! and it’s beautiful. It’s perfect for me in every way. I get to have my own balcony, there are trees and picnic tables everywhere, it feels like magic.
I was walking home from giving them my deposit and I got hit in the face with a butterfly. Literally, a butterfly hit me in the face. Yes, Universe, I got the message, thank you very much. There were butterflies everywhere on my walk home, and I took lots of pictures (The ones up above were taken by me). I’ve never seen so many butterflies all around me (Although the fact that I am usually asleep during the day probably has something to do with that). It was the most magical walk home and I knew that it was “Change” showing me that it wasn’t so bad after all, a gift of tentative friendship, a peace treaty…
A reminder that transformation and change is beautiful.
I’m feeling pretty grateful for the space to change. For this gentle nudge to something better and more beautiful (even if it didn’t feel gentle at the time). I am exactly where I need to be and I need to be exactly where I am. As I began to wrap myself in the chrysalis I felt terrified and restricted and now that I am begining to emerge I feel all of those things lifting.