What’s Stopping You from Loving Yourself?

Do you remember the first time you realized that you didn’t quite like yourself? I don’t, but from reading my childhood journals those thoughts started creeping up when I was around 10.

I always felt left out, introverted bookworm that I was. Instead of seeing that my shy personality made me different, that it made it difficult to make friends, I jumped to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me, something broken, some un-fixable that everyone could see and I adopted that as my own view of myself. It followed me around and affected my relationships for many years.

Unlovable and defective.

It’s sad how we so easily jump to terrible thoughts about ourselves. How one quirk or one perceived flaw can snowball into something that can ruin us if we let it. If we really took a step back and allowed ourselves to see everything from a compassionate perspective it’s amazing what we would really see. But first we have to remove ourselves from that constant cycle of self-blame.

You really aren’t at fault for every bad thing that happens in the world. You aren’t a walking catastrophe or unlucky or a bad luck charm. And you aren’t too messed up or damaged to be loved. You’re pretty wonderful and I want you to know it.

Have you ever blamed yourself from someone’s inability to love you?

That un-lovable feeling doesn’t always originate with us, sometimes it’s triggered by the way someone else loves us or treats us. Most of the time how other people feel about you has more to do with who they are than who you are.

You’re not perfect, of course you aren’t, but when someone doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved, or someone treats you badly, you have to understand that it’s about them. It’s the inner workings that are going on inside of them and that’s something you have no control of.

Never let anyone make you feel less than lovable.

That means you too. Don’t spend any amount of time tearing yourself down, you’ll meet people in life that’ll try to do that for you, don’t let them.

“You can love yourself. Right now. This very second despite the things you want to change about yourself. It is doable, it is possible, and it is worth it.

So what, you’re too skinny or not skinny enough. So what your smile isn’t perfect or your skin is splotchy or you’ve got scars that show that you’ve survived. Maybe your stretch marks don’t tell any stories and maybe you look in the mirror and see all the things that should lift, tighten, and shrink.
Those are the lamest reasons EVER not to love someone. Yourself included.

We gotta start working on that. Wanna know how? Decide right this minute to change. Not yourself but your thinking. That is the biggest scariest step to any change worth making. Saying those scary four little words.

“I’m gonna do it.”

Maybe your reasons for lack of self love go a little deeper. Maybe someone, or multiple someones, made you feel like you weren’t valuable or they treated you like you weren’t loveable.

Who are they? Who are they to make you believe such a lie? Why give them that power? What makes their opinion worth anything?
If they hurt you – let it end there. Don’t carry it with you anymore. Don’t lug that baggage around and let it take something so beautiful away from you. You’ve got some work ahead of you, no lies, but if you’re ready and committed you totally got this.

Take back your power and your worth.

One of the toughest reasons of all that might stop you from loving you is feeling like a bad person.
I’ve been there. That’s a tough one to get through.

Have you hurt other people? Have you been that person making other people feel worthless in the hopes that it fills you up in some way? Maybe you’ve been so full of dislike for yourself that you make it your mission to make sure that everyone you meet dislikes you too or worse yet you find a way to make them dislike themselves? You’ve made some big mistakes.

That was me.

I had the best reasons for hating myself because I was not a good person.

I was a tornado of destruction ripping people apart and finding a bit of joy, or at least validation in doing it.

It made me feel powerful to hurt people because to hurt someone in emotional way means that you matter, it means that you have power over them. You can pretend that you’re not weak and helpless deep inside. It’s twisted logic, I know. At the end of the day it was the only power I had and my life was a mess. Being that person didn’t make me happy. Being mean to other people didn’t fix what was wrong with me.

Getting the best of someone, getting even, and having the last word filled me up in a hollow way and it was sad. It was really sad. So I stopped. And it was hard. It was second nature for me to be that kind of person, and it was really freaking hard to change.

Even when the changes started happening it was hard to love myself.

But I learned some really important things.

That person inside of me that was strong and brave enough to try to change was worth a spark of love. Although I couldn’t, in good conscious, love the person I was at that time – I fell in love with the person I was becoming. That woman that was emerging from all that stuff was worth loving.
I made amends in every way that I could. I tried to fix the damage I caused. Some people didn’t give a hoot about my new path, the damage had been done. I tried to do good any way, in a greater sense. For all of those times I tore someone down I tried to lift someone else up. A stranger, a new friend, someone I barely knew. I tried to do better and that person, that other me, was worth loving a whole bunch.

You don’t have to be an angel. You can fuck up and you can hurt people and you can be a mess, that’s called being human and that’s all of us. Do good where and when you can and be okay with the person you are at the end of the day. There’s still the you in there worth loving.

No matter what path you are on right now, self love is right there waiting for you. You just gotta dig deep and find it. “

Moral of the story: Love Yourself.

For more self love wisdom check out the Self Love Planner. It’s a good first-step tool. It’ll start pointing you in the right direction. It’ll help you start loving who you are right now.

What things have stopped you from fully loving yourself?